||[18 Nov 2002|12:00am]
I was standing there in the boulangerie, looking at the assorted pastries and things through the window and the thought immediately occurred that I ought to marry this girl, because i am very much in love with her and she is me. I tapped my finger on the glass, pointing at a small danish. the petite young lady behind the counter rang it up, and said to me in a high voice, deux euroes, si vous plait, so I immediately produced the two gold coins and handed them to her. She wrapped the pastry in a bag and gave it to me. I felt a bit irritated at having to pay two euros for such a small danish, but I had heard that this was as good a bakery as they had in all of paris.
it was a rainy day when i stepped outside, but the rain didn't lessen my stride a bit as I marched down the crowded sidewalk. every step was like a flutter of my heart as I got nearer to my beloved, who was there in my home. my home that I loved so much, with the girl who I loved. I thought to myself, oh I hope she loves me as much! I let nary a doubt in as to her true feelings, and knew that in her heart, she loved me and would be so happy with me. her and I, on the shores of some river in a small cottage. probably the rhine. oh, she does love the rhine river. the alsace girls love their country, but love their countryside most of all.
I saw a florist's cart on the sidewalk, who was selling all manner of flowers. i asked him if he had any roses, and he said they were rare cette fois d'année, that he didn't have any. I begged him to search around, and that I would pay him more if he could find me any roses, or just a single rose. with my encouragement, he managed to produce a single white rose, and told me that I would pay him dix-sept euroes. I gave him my last 20 dollars, and asked him if that would be enough, and he said that it would do.
I had now made up my mind to propose today, and get married by the end of the month. as I walked some more, and I thought about it longer, I decided I want to get married by the end of the week. this made me even happier and I thought I should be most delighted if I could get married by tomorrow afternoon. better yet, I'll get married today! The joy i felt made me light as air, and I missed my stride several times, stumbling a bit but then carrying on.
when I got to the front entrance of my apartment, I straightened myself, tucked the danish away in my coat pocket and didn't allow for any wrinkles on my shirt. i gripped the rose in one hand and dashed up the stairs with the eagerness of a man with the rest of his life to look forward to. I was stalled at the door by my own clumsiness with the keys, but I sorted them out quickly. Thrusting open the door I called for my darling, my love, my divine inspiration and I didn't hear a sound. Thinking that the TV might be on or that she couldn't hear me I ran all through the house calling her name. When I stood in our bedroom, I saw an envelope on it with my name. I sat down and placed the rose next to me.
I opened the letter and it was in her language, and it said this:
As I write this my heart is breaking. I am in love with you, but I am also love with another. My heart cannot hope to make up it's mind, but I fear that I cannot love you both forever. I have left to go with him, though I do not know for how long. When you read this, I shall have been gone for some time. You cannot know how my heart is crushed, and how I know I have crushed yours. Please do not forget me and I shall not forget you.
I set the letter next to the flower, stood up and walked to the wide, arching window in our bedroom. I felt the small pastry in my pocket, and had it out. I let the bag fall aimlessly to the floor as I stood watching all the people outside. I saw the tricolore flap in the wind, and I saw people with newspapers over their heads to avoid the rain. They were always running to avoid the rain. This struck me as odd and I gingerly took a bite of the danish. I remember to this day that it was as delicious as they say.